Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
