in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
