Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
It's blow job season.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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