Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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