Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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