Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I need to sanitize my soul.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize