I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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