used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
