Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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