dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
