I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
