something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
