Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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