Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
