you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
