I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
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