i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
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