did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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