I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Randomize
