There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
