He uses pillows to masturbate.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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