He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
