Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
We had sex on a dog bed..
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
