The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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