addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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