Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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