and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
