I heard we made out
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
