im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize