His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
