please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
barbara walters just said penis...
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
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