I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
