can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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