maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
