I faked an abortion last night.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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