I just cut my nipple shaving
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
