he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
