then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize