apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
