its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
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