he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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