yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
