My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
