I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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