Where is the hickey?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
