dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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