In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
