Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
