evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
