i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
