he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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