Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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