Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize