omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
