So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
