well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
