i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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