i used baking grease as lip gloss
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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