I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Randomize
