we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
