your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
