he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
