guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
