i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
