dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Randomize
