is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
