and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
