this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
