omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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