I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
